Well, it's back to school and studying for me! Was really lookin' forward to school..but at the same time..i wished the 2 weeks hols were extended so i could sleep longer daily. lol.
Anyway, on Sunday night before school the next day..i actually cried myself to sleep.So many problems occurred at the exact same time and i guess i just couldn't take the pressure and eventually broke into tears..
I argued with my dad about something really petty actually.To him,at least. But for me, someone messing up my maths notes which took me such a long time to arrange and also being unwilling to apologize for it really ticks me off. And so..the war of the words began. As usual, i'll end up crying whenever i argue..but i always try to conceal it cuz i dun like exposing my vulnerability.Lol.
We were having lunch at home when tat quarrel sparked, and i kinda lost my appetite to eat cuz my tear ducts were getting all welled up. So i quickly went upstairs into my room to prevent others from noticing.I began to sob uncontrollably. Many thoughts flashed thru my mind....and all of a sudden, all the other existing problems which had been lying dormant for some time just seemed to come "alive". My dad said something during the argument which really struck me. It wasn't something very nasty, but it was enough to cause me to think about the extent of truth in what he said. You know...he always said the same thing when we argue...but it hit me real hard this time.
Probably i realized what he said was really evident in my life, that's why i felt so miserable about it. Other thoughts began to flood my mind as well.I began to wonder why my worship is so ineffective, if i may use the word.I know i shouldn't use my own measurements to determine the effectiveness of my worship...or whether it is pleasing to God or not, but somehow, i guess it's still human nature to make comparisons at times. And another situation was about my relationship with someone very important to me. I wonder why we always end up disagreeing with one another about something,which eventually leads to dissatisfaction on both sides, even though it's really nothing to be worked up about.
And so, all the teeny weeny problems accumulated and i felt like i just got repeated blows on my face.Ok, probably that was a bit exaggerated, but i did feel completely drained, hopeless and helpless at that point..I took a look at the mirror and saw that my eyes were all swollen and my face looked so worn out from all the crying. And i decided to sleep. Thats what i normally do. At least it helps me to get temporary relief..=)
But during the process of my trials and problems, i really thank the Lord that he helped me to turn to Him first. Normally, i would spill my probs to a close friend, but this time, i chose to share my burdens with the Lord instead. I dunno what prompted me to do that..but something within me urged me strongly. And what a wise decision it was. =)
1 Peter 5:7 "Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."
Indeed, He does.
*****
The Lord sent me people who encouraged me with scripture verses from the Bible.Let me share one of the wonderful verses with you!James 1: 2-4 " Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. 4Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
It's such a beautiful verse which impacted me tremendously and the words just spoke right into my heart. I've memorized it so i can reflect on it whenever i need some spiritual uplifting. Haha. And its good to memorize the Word of God so we may use it to encourage others who are also facing tough times.
The Lord also lead me to open my praise and worship songbook...and i flipped randomly and came to a page where 'God will make a way' was. I began to sing and worshiped the Lord in my room. You know..it's really difficult to worship the Lord when you're feeling so gloom, but the Lord says we have to praise Him even in times of troubles. I flipped again and came to 'Lord, I offer you my life'.
That song just melted me completely.The lyrics....gosh....i felt like they were written for me. Tears rolled down my cheeks even as i pondered on the lyrics.. And i was reassured about God's goodness and never ending grace in my life. I knew right then that i didn't have to worry about anything at all but everything,big and small, is in His hands. My past, my present and my future...He will definitely use them to bring Him glory though i may not understand His plans for me as yet. But, i just need to surrender and trust the Lord completely yea...=D
Like a song goes.." You have turned my mourning into dancing....You have turned my sorrow into joy...", how true it is! Just can't help but break forth in praise because of the greatness of Jesus. =D
Once you've tasted the goodness of the Lord, you'll surely go running after Him for more! yummmmmy!
Try Him =P
Psalm 34:8 "Taste and see that the LORD is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in him."
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